Mehraab K. Dillon (17)
Riptide of the mind
They say that sadness only exists at 2 AM
But that’s just fickle pain.
It hits you at 3:20
And you go heady with the pain that shoots up your left arm
all the way to your heart,
And it comes in waves at 6:39
While you’re trying to convert phthalimide into amine,
it fucks with your mind.
It’ll tide you over at 9
And you’ll feel like cutting sections of your skin to
Pull yourself apart
And finally find out
if you were
really worth it or not.
It’ll make you go neurotic at 5:13
And you’ll wish you were lost within the stars and their reverie.
It’ll make you stronger at 1:23
And you’ll sit straighter
For every time you drowned,
you washed up
on the rough sand
with enough salt in you to fit a million hands,
Your spine didn’t crack and your
soul didn’t die,
No matter how much you wished,
the scars on your upper thigh
healed.
Your body never let you give up.
And you will feel that you owe it
to the billion cells in your body
that never let you die,
To move on,
And try.
So every time you sit alone
Holding your
cinnamon-sweet cup of tea
And this sadness
makes its way inside
Like an o c e a n into a sinking ship
And you pray
to a god you don’t believe in
To take you away
from this purgatory
of monsters and men,
On your knees
purging yourself
of the people inside you,
Mourning the death of
the pieces of you
that existed once,
And mourning those
that’ll chip away soon,
Know that those 26 bones
may bend and twist and shape into
something new,
But they’ll never break
And you’ll sit straighter
knowing that bit of the truth.
Mehraab Kaur Dhillon is 17 years old and lives in Ludhiana, India. She hopes to find a way to be herself some day and has a quirk for science, fiction, and feminism. She believes in making life extraordinary through the little things such as good music, laughter, and everlasting friendships. She treasures moments spent feeling alive and ablaze and intends to follow through with every dream she has ever dreamt. She has not yet decided what to do with her life but is interested in doing some good in this world and hopes that this piece of writing will give a little hope to anyone who reads it. She can be contacted at [email protected].
Riptide of the mind
They say that sadness only exists at 2 AM
But that’s just fickle pain.
It hits you at 3:20
And you go heady with the pain that shoots up your left arm
all the way to your heart,
And it comes in waves at 6:39
While you’re trying to convert phthalimide into amine,
it fucks with your mind.
It’ll tide you over at 9
And you’ll feel like cutting sections of your skin to
Pull yourself apart
And finally find out
if you were
really worth it or not.
It’ll make you go neurotic at 5:13
And you’ll wish you were lost within the stars and their reverie.
It’ll make you stronger at 1:23
And you’ll sit straighter
For every time you drowned,
you washed up
on the rough sand
with enough salt in you to fit a million hands,
Your spine didn’t crack and your
soul didn’t die,
No matter how much you wished,
the scars on your upper thigh
healed.
Your body never let you give up.
And you will feel that you owe it
to the billion cells in your body
that never let you die,
To move on,
And try.
So every time you sit alone
Holding your
cinnamon-sweet cup of tea
And this sadness
makes its way inside
Like an o c e a n into a sinking ship
And you pray
to a god you don’t believe in
To take you away
from this purgatory
of monsters and men,
On your knees
purging yourself
of the people inside you,
Mourning the death of
the pieces of you
that existed once,
And mourning those
that’ll chip away soon,
Know that those 26 bones
may bend and twist and shape into
something new,
But they’ll never break
And you’ll sit straighter
knowing that bit of the truth.
Mehraab Kaur Dhillon is 17 years old and lives in Ludhiana, India. She hopes to find a way to be herself some day and has a quirk for science, fiction, and feminism. She believes in making life extraordinary through the little things such as good music, laughter, and everlasting friendships. She treasures moments spent feeling alive and ablaze and intends to follow through with every dream she has ever dreamt. She has not yet decided what to do with her life but is interested in doing some good in this world and hopes that this piece of writing will give a little hope to anyone who reads it. She can be contacted at [email protected].